NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.