wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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