dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
