you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
