One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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