Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
