this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
