My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.