why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
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I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.