Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I want to fling myself into the sun