I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.