When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
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