I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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