I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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