Can i not drive my cunt home
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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