My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
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don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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