I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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