I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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