in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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