Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
