so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
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got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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