Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize