i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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