i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
