I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize