READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
