mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.