The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
