I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
