Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
handjob tips. give me some.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
