In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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