and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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