My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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