Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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