i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
