discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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