Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
