Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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