i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
