what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
two words...techno handjob
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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