I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
