we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY