All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
now i know why i became what i already was.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children