Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"