so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter