So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize