Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
