my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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