Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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