I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize