All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.