dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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