DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
