Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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