i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize