so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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